I think part of my recovery is simply that I have so many people in my life surrounding me with love and a reason to go on. Ray was one of 16 children (4 by birth and 12 by adoption) and there are over a dozen grandchildren. I am actively part of many of my children and grandchildren's lives. The living have given me a focus that takes me out of my grief. I still cry, I am still sad, sometimes angry but my days are often full. I am so sorry about the loss of your son. I hope that you are able to find some moments of peace and grace in the midst of so much pain.