We had twelve children join our family through adoption mostly older kids and one foster daughter who we planned to adopt but in the end did not but that's a whole story in itself. I completely understand what you are writing about. Not only did I experience some very challenging behaviours of my kids but I was an adoption support worker for a number of years and worked with adoptive and foster families. You are absolutely right, there is little support for parents like yourself, little recognition of the trauma that can be caused to other children in the home when you are trying to create a family for one with RAD or any of the many other issues facing some of the children in the system. Love does not, cannot fix all of the pain and abuse that kids sometimes experience. One of the reasons I left my job was because of a social worker who was continuing to tell potential parents that if they adopted an older child they would just "blossom" once they received love and stability. Sometimes that was true but frequently not especially if the child had the life that some of the kids have had before joining their "forever" family. I watched as parents struggled to try to help support their child(sen) and oftentimes social workers were not respectful or helpful when it was most needed. I agree that all children deserve to know where their bed will be tomorrow (something one of my kids once said) but without understanding the kinds of experiences the child had before arriving and how that might play out in a family it's not a choice to be taken lightly. And I agree, these are hard stories to share.