What a hard story to tell. I am an adoptive parent as well as having been an adoption support worker for a number of years. There are many stories like yours of families adopting children who have experienced significant trauma that they may never get over. The impact on others in the family can be devastating. And as you point out, adoption agencies do not always prepare parents for these kinds of scenarios. A business model based on receiving payment for placing children does not always leave room for ethical decision making or so it might seem. I hope you are all able to find healing.